Another Day At The John

Living in the dorms is a unique experience, and sharing a bathroom with a few dozen strangers can be very interesting. The bathroom consist of three showers four sinks, and three stalls. So it's one of those nights, you know when you wished you had privacy. It seems to be rush hour in the john and the only shower that was vacant was the middle one, which is cool except that the only thing separating you bathing in the nude from Sally brushing her teeth at the sink is a flimsy uneven certain which is almost transparent. I'm doing my thing in there washing up, and the certain blows up, and I am standing there completely exposed and it wouldn't be that bad but I was shaving my pubes at the time. And the certain blew up because Lorry the hottest girl in the house was blowing drying her hair. Shit but at least you weren't whacking it.
I was done in there so I got out of the shower, and had to take that first step over the little ledge, which is just put there for people to trip over if you didn't already know. You nearly trip and then you nearly slip because everything in the bathrooms are wet and slimy, and it's an obstacle course walking from the shower back to the room. You gotta where scandals at all times, because it is proven that sars have been known to exist in these bacterial infested environments. Yea its slippery but there are areas where under no circumstance can you step. Some jackass dropped a microwave burrito and didn't bother to pick it up by the washer, there's foaming mounds of shaving cream under the sink, and by the trash can there lies hairballs and bloody tissues with freshly squeezed pimples.
Taking care of your hygienic needs in a dorm bathroom is a methodical process.
The next part of my routine involves myself and a toilet, with the seat down. And I am not touching it, no I'm not lifting the seat. As I stand over the john a exhale a deep breathe and let the river run. Yeeee. Everything is going smooth and on cue to this point, until a drunk chick runs down the hall singing Afroman. And her lyrics are just way off and the beat its like no, its "I like beer, but I love malt liquor, Cuz malt liquor, gets me drunk quicker." And because the drunk slut from down the hall 's off, it just throws me off, and that means my aim. It like if a blow horn went off when you were about to hit a golf ball. I pissed on the seat and I was zoning out so it wasn't like I noticed right away and when I did I was like oops and quickly corrected my shot, but I did it with such a jerk that I ended over correcting, and thus pissing on the over side of the seat.
Haha, but I have good auditory skills and I could hear that no one was in the bathroom. So I bounced really quickly I don't wash my hands, don't even look at my self in the mirror I was out of there. But who other than old Lorry was it that was approaching the pile of hairballs and bloody tissues, and she was making a b-line right for the stalls and of course of the three she went to the one I had just finished flooding. Then I just hear that beautiful voice "God Zacko your such a fucking slob."